What is your question?

I’m lucky to know some incredible people that are doing INCREDIBLE things. This post will be short and sweet, but I’m really just trying to get some feelers out there.

Would you be interested in a weekly interview with one of my friends? I’m thinking of highlighting some of the phenomenal people that I’m lucky to call friends and giving a short and sweet interview of someone new every week.

This seems fun to me and I think that we could learn something new.

What are some questions that you’d like to ask a perfect stranger? What is the first thing that you want to know when you make a new friend? I’m thinking of building a questionnaire and having a coffee meet-up with an interesting person once a week.

What is your favorite question to ask when you’re getting to know someone? What questions do you ask when you really want to know someone’s heart? I want to work on my writing and I think that interviews are a good way to get started. What do you want to know about my friends?

The time is NOW (or… soon)

I’ve talked about wanting to start a YouTube channel for years, but I would always talk myself out of it because the timing wasn’t right. I have list upon list of ideas for fun videos that range from makeup tutorials to how I deal with anxiety and depression. I’m a perfectionist. I want to create content that makes you laugh AND makes you think.

I also wanted to wait until I found a weekly video that would keep me on a schedule. I thought about just doing the standard “vlog” and compiling footage of my week and then posting it every Sunday, but I felt that it felt too dry and overdone. I told myself that I could only start the channel once I came up with an idea that I was a) passionate about and b) was totally mine.

This week, while I was in my… I don’t know if there is a medical term for it, so I’ll just call it my “Depressive Creative Tornado” (great band name, by the way!), I came up with a tiny spark of an idea that I just couldn’t shake out of my mind. I’ve expanded it a bit from the initial idea, and it still has a way to go… BUT I’m thrilled to announce that I have the ground plan and wanted to post it here first to see what you think.

I want the video to focus on five tasks that I will complete in the span of a week or two. These tasks will challenge me, help communities, promote performance art and small businesses, and help establish new relationships. I’m terrified, but giddy. Is there a word for that?

So – without further ado, I’ll tell you what I plan to do in every single video.

Give back.
I want to find different ways to get involved in community service projects/volunteer opportunities. I want to donate my time to a new project in every video and show my audience who to contact to get involved, what volunteering for that particular cause entails, and how the volunteer work benefits the cause in the long run.

See a live show.
The performing arts have been my biggest passion since I did my first show at my hometown community theater when I was 11. I’m lucky to have had the chance to perform at many venues and meet actors from all over the DFW metroplex. I want to see a show in every video. Obviously, I wouldn’t be able to record the performance, but I want to give a quick review and highlight the theater and actors in the productions that I see.

Learn something new.
I’m super excited about this! I will try new classes, meet up with people that have unusual skills or talents, or even YouTube something that I’ve always wanted to learn. I could continue honing these skills, discover new passions, or just pick up a few tips and tricks every week.

Make a new friend.
This might be what I’m looking forward to most. Along my journey of learning new things, getting out of my comfort zone, I want to meet someone new and have a quick interview with them. Maybe I’ll meet someone at a shopping mall, an actor in a show, the instructor of a class… I’m a very social person, so I’m sure that I’ll have a blast introducing myself to new people and having them tell me my story.

Try a new restaurant
Surprising to no one, I have a list of restaurants that I’ve been wanting to try for AGES! I love to eat out and I adore exploring new places and new cuisine. I’ll probably try to bring a friend along to have a meal with me while I try something new.

There are obviously a few things that I need to iron out, but I’m THRILLED to finally have a plan. I’ve been trying to challenge myself lately and this is a great way to get out of the house, meet new people, and support things that I am passionate about.

SO.

This is where you come in! I’m brainstorming for names for this challenge and would love any and all suggestions. “Marcie’s Five” is the best that I’ve come up with so far.

Please also leave a comment if you know of any restaurants in DFW that I should try or if you know of any interesting classes that are available to take.

I’ve worked really hard on this for the past week or so and I cannot wait to see what you think! Let me know in the comments or shoot me an email at marciethebird@gmail.com

You guys are the best and I’m SO thankful for all of the love and support that I received for the last post! Much love – stay tuned!

I’m not fine, but I will be.

The smallest things can set me off into a “depression cloud” that lasts for days. Once, I dropped an egg roll and didn’t get out of bed for a week. When I was in the 4th grade, I forgot a homework assignment at home and received a 0 – my parents had to pick me up from school because I hyperventilated and was inconsolable. I missed an additional two days of school because the seemingly small event rocked my world and made me sick.

When something big happens, and I’m lucky to say that things of this nature have only happened a select few times in my life, I have to bring out all of the stops to get to the next day, hour, minute. The event doesn’t need to be discussed. Hurt is hurt. Failures are failures. It can happen to anyone.

Through the last few days, I have received call after call, text after text, email after email of friends telling me that they loved me.

“I’m thinking about you.”
“If you need to talk, please don’t hesitate to call me.”
“Have you been drinking water?”
“Please don’t do anything bad.”
“You are worthy and you can get through this.”
“I love you and I need you in my life.”
“Depression LIES.”

I’m thankful for the outpouring of love that I have received. It has, quite literally, kept me going for the last week.

It’s hard to describe or talk about the thoughts that make you want to hurt yourself. For the first 48 hours or so, I kept having to audibly talk myself out of the thoughts that bubbled into my head. I had to tell myself that the world was NOT better off without me. That my friends would NOT feel relieved if I weren’t here anymore. I reminded myself that my family would be destroyed if something ever happened to me. Even small things like, “… but who would take care of my chickens?”, have kept me around. I worry that this is a touchy subject to bring up, that it might sound dramatic to talk about, but I’ve always vowed to be honest about my struggles here.

Not wanting to be alive anymore is exhausting. I didn’t want to tell anyone because I didn’t want them to think I was being dramatic. I didn’t want to be alone because I didn’t completely trust myself. I pulled half of my eyelashes out by the root and twisted and tangled my hair, trying not to rip it all out of my head (Trichotillomania – a super cute disorder that I’ve had since childhood.) My anxiety that makes me terrified of dying and my depression that makes me want to be dead were constantly raging against each other in my head. I stayed in bed, I didn’t shower. I threw up when I tried to eat. I watched hours of insipid television. I did my very best to drown out the world around me and to feel nothing.

It was a battle that seemed would never cease. It seems though, that light will always come out of darkness, even if the lights tend to flicker for a while.

I’m doing better. I’m able to eat without throwing up. Correspond to friends without feeling like they are feeding me lies to make me feel better (That’s one of the worst things I have ever encountered, by the way. The feeling that the people that you love more than anything are conspiring against you, wanting you to fail, delighting in your failures.) I’m terrified of brushing my hair for the first time, but with enough conditioner, I suppose anything is possible.

I’m starting to devour the ideas that I poured into PAGES of journals. That’s something that I always find interesting when climbing out of the ditch. When I feel like there is no hope, I somehow end up coming up with hundreds of ideas. Ideas for stories, art projects, writing prompts, community service. I create lists, reformat resumes, start new reading lists, plunk weird melodies out on the piano. Creativity is weird and inspiration comes at me HARD when I feel that I have nothing to live for. Stay tuned, I have started 15 drafts for blog posts.

Maybe we all have some sort of override when it feels like we are self destructing? Maybe not, but I’m thankful that it has worked out for me so far.

I know that this isn’t over. I know that moments of clarity will come and go as I try to overcome this. I know that years from now, this particular event will still send me into a heap of tears. I know that I will beat myself up about this and that I will have to go to battle with those nasty thoughts, but I know that I’m backed up by an army of talented, passionate, forgiving, and hilarious people. I still haven’t figured out why my friends stick around, but they always do and I will ALWAYS be thankful.

I’ve gone back to the whole “being unapologetically myself” concept many times this year and, in a way, I hope that this post can go hand-in-hand with that. I’ve made mistakes, I’ve collapsed onto the floor, I’ve cried messy tears, and I’ve screamed at the sky. I can’t take back anything that happened yesterday, but I can try to set myself up for success tomorrow. Even if “success” tomorrow is only defined by working a comb through my hair.

I love you all. Thank you for reading. I will be okay.

 

Name Announcements!

I’ll start off by saying that we are STILL waiting on a house (massive eye roll), but I should be in my own bed in just a week! The constant crappy weather in my area has kept the coop from progressing, but I’m not giving up hope on the girls having a CHICKEN PALACE by their 4th week. 

I want to give you guys more content and more updates, but reliable internet is hard to find these days. So we’ll have to live with another phone update. 

SO! 4 OUT OF 13 OF MY GIRLS HAVE NAMES!!

Naomi and Josie are my two big red girls (maybe Rhode Island Reds?) that you can see posing next to their two weeks old sign. They are best friends. I have never seen them a feathers length away from each other. 


Then we have my sweet Stella. I hate to pick favorites, but it’s hard not to have her as a top contender. She greets me every morning and hasn’t been shy since day one. She will waddle into my hands and snuggle with me for hours if I let her. I have no idea what she might be as I ordered some random rare breeds and she doesn’t match up with my order, but I cannot imagine my life without her now. 


And then we have Claire. Definitely the biggest personality out of all of my girls. I think she maybe a Lavender Orpington. She is ALWAYS talking. At first, I thought something was wrong with her, but it seems that she’s just a chatty girl. I couldn’t even get a picture with her beak closed. 


The rest of the girls are thriving as well, but I don’t have official names yet. I can’t wait to watch them grow and get to know and love them even more.
Thanks for reading guys, and if you have any idea what breeds I might be looking at – I would love the help! I didn’t know that identifying little babies would be so difficult, but I love them no matter WHAT they are. 🙂 

Cooped Up With Marcie: The Beginning

On Thursday, May 18th, I received the call that I had been waiting months for. “Ms. Allison? Your chickens have arrived!”

I screamed and cried and jumped up and down before grabbing Meemaw and dragging her along with me to the post office… you know, in case I got too excited to drive. I picked my little darlings up around noon and immediately opened the package in the car to move them into their temporary home (a small animal kennel). Unfortunately, two chicks passed during transport. I had prepared myself for losses. Chickens are very fragile in their first few days of life and mypetchicken.com advises that you should avoid bringing children to the post office when they arrive due to this.

It was sad, but the other 15 girls were happy and chirping away. We took them out to the land and put them into a kiddie pool while I was getting Brooder #1 (animal kennel) ready for them. They were happy to soak in the sun after being in a small carrier for their first few days of life. Everyone was eating and drinking well, except for one little black chick that seemed very lethargic and sleepy. I looked up her symptoms and had a feeling that she wasn’t going to make it.

My friend, Ashley, volunteered her garage for them to stay for their first night. I had planned to keep them in my parents’ enclosed patio, but we had storms rolling in and my garage was not “ready” for them. So we went to Ashley’s and shit hit the fan.

I’m an idiot and didn’t remove their water dish before transport and when we got to Ashley’s house, they were drenched. Seriously. They were dripping wet. You’ve never seen anything as pathetic as 15 soaking wet chicks that are looking at you like, “You’re my mother! Why did you let this happen to me?!” I cried and cried while gently blow drying them before they were in bed for the night.

I set my alarm to go off every single hour and a half. I’d roll off of Ashley’s couch, go to the garage, and count. Unfortunately, around 2 in the morning, I noticed that the little black chick had passed away. It was fairly expected as she wasn’t doing well from the moment that I got her, and I’m telling myself that though her life was short, I gave her a lot of love before she left us.

The next day morning, I took them to my parents’ house and set them up on the enclosed patio. Thank you, Texas weather, for staying so warm! I’ve barely had to use the heat lamp for the girls.

I started working on a bigger brooder for the girls on Friday night. That night, the last night in their tiny kennel, I started noticing another chick had changed drastically. It seemed that she had suffered a stroke. The left side of her body seemed to be completely paralyzed and she was very sadly cheeping. I tried to get water to her drop by drop, but she was unable to swallow, from what I could see. I held her off and on through the night and she passed away on Saturday morning while I was at rehearsal.

These losses were all devastating, but this one hurt the most as I had gotten to know this chick a bit and she was just so delightful to watch play with her sisters. Again – she was so, so loved.

I’m happy to report that the Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday have been far less eventful. I still have 13 happy, feather-butts that are complete PIGS. Seriously, I cannot get over how fat and adorable they are!

They are thrilled with their new brooder as well. They have almost 3 times as much space as before to explore and play. I used paper towels the first few days with them to make sure that they were all using the bathroom as needed and to help prevent splayed leg. Last night, I introduced aspen shavings to their little home. They crack me up and make me crazy by constantly knocking the shavings into their water bowl.

I’ve been handling them every day and I’m starting to see some attributes to their breeds. (My two Buff Orpington girls are so calm when handled, my Rhode Island Reds are sassy and sweet) This morning, I called out, “Good morning, girls!” when I walked into the garage. They immediately jumped up and ran to the door of their brooder to greet me. Yes, I cried.

I’m having so much fun getting to know and love them. I’ve been working on their coop when weather permits and can’t wait to see them in their new, permanent home. I also have plans to have a kind of memorial garden for the girls that we lost and named Ginger, Georgia, Heidi, and Stella. The big move is still in progress so my parents deserve a huge thank you for letting me move 13 more birds into the house – I can’t wait to share a brand new home and adventure with my sassy girls.

Thanks for reading guys, and as always – I PROMISE NOTHING. IT TOOK ME WEEKS TO ACTUALLY SIT DOWN AND WRITE AGAIN. I’M SORRY.

 

WE. HAVE. CHICKENS. 

My little peeps have arrived! We’ve set up a brooder and they are happily chirping and growing in our enclosed patio. Keeping an eye on temperatures as we have storms coming in tonight, but they’re so happy. I’m STILL trying to find reliable internet, so we still have to stick to the phone for now. I will have an updated post on them AND the move as soon as I can! 


I’ll see you guys, soon! More fluffy pics coming at ya!

Stream of consciousness 5/10/17

This has been a wild and crazy week and finding internet access is next to impossible. I STILL promise to get you a chicken update as soon as I can sit and type. But for now, here are some occupancies and random thoughts I’ve had this week, courtesy of my WordPress app. 

  • Snakes are terrifying and when I actually came across a copperhead at the house my response was: “Um. Hello. I need you to please calm down.”
  • I got cast in Oklahoma and so did Meemaw. We’re both in the chorus and we’re going to have so much fun. 
  • I spent 3 hours hand stitching a dress that needed to be altered for a wedding this weekend. I still can’t feel my fingertips. 
  • WHY DO MEN THINK THAT THE LOUDNESS OF THEIR TRUCK IS IMPRESSIVE?! 
  • Dr Pepper is the reason I am alive today 
  • I’ve always saved the name, Astrid, for one of my future children… but I put it on my chicken name list and can’t decide if “my mother named me after a chicken” will be the reason one of my kids end up in therapy. 
  • I have absolutely NO construction experience, but I am somehow building a chicken coop. 
  • I still haven’t forgiven myself for forgetting to take my makeup off before I fell asleep… 4 days ago. 
  • I left Starbucks. I don’t want to talk about it. But now you know. 
  • I have a list of over 200 chicken names and will only be receiving 18 chickens in the mail. 
  • YOU CAN RECEIVE CHICKENS IN THE MAIL. 
  • “I before E except after C” is a ridiculous rule and has fucked up spelling for me forever. 
  • I also can’t spell restaurant correctly the first time. 
  • You have to present more personal information to rent a tractor than you do to apply for an apartment. 
  • MARCIE IS NOT ALLOWED TO TOUCH THE TRACTOR
  • I’ve developed some kind of new food allergy. Haven’t completely figured out what it is but dear god if I have never taught you anything… always. be near. a bathroom. (More on this in a separate post.)
  • I think that my bird (conure, not chickens) called me “butthole”. 
  • I never realized that I had an irrational fear of time travel until I watched the 5th season of LOST. 
  • I’m in my 20th production with my home theatre and I don’t feel old enough to have accumulated 20 of anything. 
  • Always. Have. Toiletpaper. 

I’m going to have a serious talk with my laptop tonight to see if I can get some more posts up. You guys are the best! See ya soon!